How It Was, How It Is
by 22shadows
Summary: Roy isn't able to concentrate on his work due to being distracted by what would have been Hughes's birthday. Ed just happens to be the one there for him.
1. Chapter 1

Roy flicked his pen again in annoyance. He couldn't concentrate today; there was too much on his mind. The paperwork was piling up and he'd barely made a dent in it since this morning. He sighed in exasperation as he finally managed to fill out another sheet before returning distractedly to flicking his pen.

They'd been hearing the tap of the pen against Roy's fingers for hours on end and, although no one wanted to be the one to say it, it was distracting everyone else in the office and they just wanted it to stop. As usual, though, when no one wanted to deal with the colonel and his eccentricities, Riza was silently elected to take care of the problem. She raised an eyebrow at the men around her who, as usual, needed her to be the one who always confronted him. Although, that might be why she was the only one of his subordinates that he actually listened to. The men furtively watched her approach the colonel's desk while trying to appear uninterested and busy with their own work.

"Maybe you should take a break, sir."

The pen stopped flicking as Roy raised his head. He wearily gave her a half-smile. "If I stop now, I'll never get anything done."

She glanced at the small pile of completed papers on the side of the desk. "With all due respect, sir, you've barely done anything in the first place. The way I see it, if you take a break now, you should be able to accomplish something when you return; or, you can continue at the pace you're going now and be here all night. Either way, you've so far behind that you've got a long night ahead of you."

As he was about to respond, she added, "Oh! And Edward will be coming by later with his report for you. Perhaps you should take a break now so that you can deal with any sarcasm he decides to throw at you this time."

With a sigh, he put the pen down and leaned back to stretch his arms over his head. "Maybe you're right, Hawkeye. I honestly don't feel like dealing with Fullmetal right now. And if I look at this paperwork any long, I'll probably go crazy." He stood up and stretched again. Walking out of the room he muttered, "I need some coffee."

With his departure, there was an almost visible release of tension in the of the men quickly got back to work, but Havoc, Breda, Falman, and Feury glanced curiously at the 1st lieutenant, who was still standing by the desk. When she noticed that they were watching her, she strode back to where they were sitting before they could start to gossip, as they were prone to do. As soon as she thought that they would actually do their work, Havoc asked quietly, "So what's the deal with the colonel today? I mean, I know he's a procrastinator, but isn't this a little much? Even for him?"

Breda gave a knowing grin. "Wonder who it is he's supposed to meet tonight. She's gotta be drop-dead gorgeous to keep his mind _that_ preoccupied!" He laughed shortly.

Feury shook his head vigorously. "But that can't be it! He has women all over him all the time! It makes no sense that he'd be anticipating a night with another woman that strongly! It's gotta be something else…" He looked thoughtful for a few moments. "Do you think maybe he's sick? Something's been going around the office lately." He nodded with conviction.

Falman sighed. "So the colonel's having an off day. Is it really that important why? I'm just hoping we'll still be here when Fullmetal gives him that report!" He grinned. "That'll be a sight to see. And I bet Ed'll give him hell!"

The men kept talking for a few minutes until they noticed Riza's silence. Breda looked at her with a bemused grin. "Don't you have anything to say, Lieutenant? I know you've got some ideas floating around in that head of yours. C'mon! We could use a woman's intuition!" He laughed a little to himself, hoping he could entice her to join in on their fun.

Riza stayed quiet for a few more moments, looking at Breda, her facial expression never changing, though her voice became softer. "Today would have been Major Hughes's birthday."

Their faces fell slightly as the source of their amusement disintegrated. They fell silent, not sure what to say as Roy walked back into the room and back toward his desk. They watched his expression, somewhat guiltily, as they thought they saw him stare off for a moment in their direction. As soon as he sat down, however, he immediately started in on his growing pile of papers again. They stared for a few moments as his hand continued to glide over sheet after sheet, then returned to their own work.

Soon after the sun had set, the subordinate officers finished their jobs for the day and one by one left the office. Roy was still working furiously on his endless stack by the time Riza was the only one left in the room. She signed her name a final time and walked slowly over toward Roy. He appeared to be engaged in his work and not to notice her, but she knew better. She lightly touched his shoulder. He stopped writing. "You should go home early, sir. The paperwork can wait."

He raised he head slightly in response. "I still need Fullmetal's report."

She smiled slightly," I'll handle it just this once."

Roy shook his head slowly. "And this'll still be here when I get back." He gestured to the incomplete pile. "It'll just leave me with twice as much to do tomorrow. I'll leave once I get the report." He put his hand on the one resting on his shoulder reassuringly. He was well aware that Riza knew what was bothering him and he didn't want her to worry. "Besides, I'm sure Black Hayate could use some company."

Knowing this was one argument she couldn't win, Riza nodded, staying as she was until Roy's hand slipped from hers and returned to writing. She slowly moved away from him, gathered what little she'd brought with her and walked to the door. "Good night, sir." He raised an hand in acknowledgement and was left alone with an overwhelming amount of incomplete paperwork.

Roy groaned to himself when he looked at what awaited him for the rest of the night. He flicked his pen again in annoyance, reaching for the next paper.


	2. Chapter 2

Twenty minutes later, he was back to flicking his pen, no work getting done. Now that he was alone, he could allow himself to gaze off at the photograph on his desk without worrying about any other people seeing something in any expression his face betrayed. This was the state that he found the colonel in when Ed finally made his way into the office. He sauntered obliviously over to the desk, almost arrogantly announcing his arrival. "Hey, sorry I'm late, colonel. Al and I were held up by Sheska in the library. I swear, that girl can go on forever about- huh? He cut off his own half-mocking excuse when he saw Roy's distant expression, The colonel had managed to keep his face mostly under control by the time he looked up at the latecomer, but not quite fast enough that Ed hadn't seen a look he could only describe as… wistful, longing, almost… lonely.

Now composed, Roy focused on Ed, choosing to ignore his rowdy entrance. "Do you have your report, Fullmetal?" He watched Ed nod and reach into his jacket pocket, fishing out a small packet of forms he'd filled out earlier. Smoothing out the wrinkles, Ed unfolded the papers and passed them into the colonel's outstretched hand, taking the opportunity to examine his uncharacteristic expression.

Roy flipped through the report, not really reading it, but mentally making a note to review it later. He couldn't help but notice Ed staring at him though, even from behind the papers. "Is there a problem, Fullmetal?" He barely looked up from the writing on the page, but it was enough that Ed started and averted his eyes.

"I-it's nothing. Just though you looked… I dunno… exhausted. More than usual, I mean." To escape the awkward silence and avoid having Roy see him blush slightly, he picked up the thin stack of paperwork that his superior had actually completed with a sarcastic grin. "Guess that would explain why you got even less done than usual, huh, colonel? Lieutenant Hawkeye too busy to keep you going or something?"

Roy snatched the papers out of the automail hand that held them and dropped them by the photograph he'd been staring at. "I'm not in the mood for your games. Unless you have something useful to tell me that you haven't written down already, I suggest you leave my office and go home." His voice was tense, as though he were trying to keep himself in control. With that, he lowered his head to sign a few more documents.

Ed crossed his arms. The colonel's reaction was decidedly unsatisfactory. Maybe it was because he was (apparently) so tired, but bugging him was actually disappointing today. If he could get a rise out of him even once before he left, that would be enough.

With a smirk, he raised himself up a little to sit on the corner of Roy's desk. As soon as he had seated himself, he picked up the frame he'd seen the colonel staring at when he'd walked in. "So what's this picture anyway? One of your girls give it to you or something?" Before he could see what it was, Roy had torn it from his grasp.

"That's enough, Fullmetal!" He'd never seen the colonel so angry at him before. Taken aback, he quickly got off of the desk and took a few steps backward. He'd never reacted to his teasing like that. Ed could only stare, unsure what to do.

Roy took a moment to take a few deep breaths when he saw Ed's reaction to his furious response. He put the photo down on the desk, leaning on one hand, covering his face with the other, forcing himself to calm down. _He doesn't know. He doesn't know_.

In the picture, a slightly younger Roy and Hughes had an arm around each other, laughing toward the camera. It was one of the last things that Ed would have ever expected the colonel to keep with him, though he knew that the two had been close. He just never thought of Roy as particularly sentimental. He thought he heard the other man mumble something almost apologetic, but he was too lost in his thoughts and confusion to really notice. This was the photo that he'd seen the colonel staring at with that strange expression. It must have had something to do with Hughes. With a start, he remembered overhearing some of the others in the office mention something about visiting Gracia or stopping by the grave site, but he hadn't thought anything of it. There must be come significance of this day in connection to Major Hughes, though what it was Ed didn't know. He nervously turned back to Roy, hoping he wouldn't notice that he'd seen a glimpse of his personal life.

When he turned to him however, the face he saw looking back at him born an expression of a strange mix of emotional pain struggling to stay hidden, receding anger, embarrassment at letting a portion of his inner weakness be revealed, and curiosity as to what Ed's reaction would be. Even so, the younger alchemist knew he'd have to choose his words carefully. He drew a breath and mumbled an awkward apology. Roy didn't respond.

After a few minutes of silence, Ed picked up the abandoned frame - more carefully this time - and, not getting any objections, took a closer look. Roy watched out of the corner of his eye.

"It would have been his birthday today, you know." Ed raised his head when he heard the colonel's voice come quietly across the desk. He reached out and gently took the solidified memory form the smaller hands, turning it around to face himself. Ed stayed silent, letting the colonel talk, even if what he was saying was just talking to himself, like Ed wasn't even there. Maybe _because_ he was talking as if to no one but himself.

He continued, "We would go out drinking every year on this day. He didn't even let his marriage to Gracia stop that, though he would go a little earlier than he used to. Even fighting in the war we found a way to make time for it. That might even have been where the tradition started." He smiled a little to himself. "I don't remember. But that was when this picture was taken. When we were celebrating his birthday in the middle of all the slaughter. It kept us going. We kept each other going, never letting the other give up on himself…" He sighed, thinking to himself, _Maes, you were the only reason I made it through the war with any shred of self-worth or sanity._

Ed wasn't sure what it was that made Roy decide to tell him something so personal. He shifted a little uncomfortably, not sure if the colonel had anything else to say. It seemed as though he were done for now, but while he'd been speaking, there was something in his voice that made Ed want (he was embarrassed to even admit it to himself) to hold him tightly in his arms. Instead, he crossed the short distance separating them and put his real hand on his superior's firm shoulder. He felt the muscle tense for a moment before relaxing again. But when he'd noticed Roy's stiffen like that, he couldn't help but feel as though he'd done something wrong. Before he could pull his hand away, a warm larger hand held it there, gripping it gently. "Fullmetal?"


	3. Chapter 3

Ed's eyes widened. He was sure he'd done something wrong, but the colonel seemed to be welcoming it! It was making him a nervous. Roy smiled to himself, partly because Riza had done the same thing Ed was doing now. "So this is the response to when I let you see my bare soul. You feel the need to comfort your superior, hm?" He kept his voice low, turning to face the younger alchemist behind him, not dropping his hand. "And I'm even being honored by the use of your real hand. I'm supposed to react to the warmth of human touch, isn't that right, Fullmetal?"

"Colonel…" Taken aback, he realized that maybe he _had_ messed up after all. The colonel was confusing him. He still hadn't let go of his hand, but now he was mocking him! It was mortifying! He tried to pull his hand away, but the grip around it just tightened. He had no idea what was going on and knew even less how he was supposed to react, what he should do. The chaotic swirl of thoughts in his head was interrupted, however, when a tug on his arm caused him to lose his balance.

Before Ed could fall against the desk, strong arms drew him against a larger, weary body, embracing him. "Thank you." It was barely audible as Roy buried his face in the golden hair that had fallen against his chest. Maybe it was just because he was so unstable today in the first place, but having Ed appear to care about him at all, when he normally avoided him at all costs and gave him a hard time whenever possible, touched him somehow. Maybe it was just having someone right here, right now. He knew the one in his arms wasn't Hughes, in fact far from it, but it didn't matter. Not right now.

Still unsure how he should react, Ed kept still in the colonel's arms, trying desperately to make sense of the situation. His thoughts were racing as he thought about how just a moment ago, Roy was mocking him and seemed furious, but had immediately afterward dragged him against himself. It was like a weird dream: Roy Mustang, the Flame Alchemist, a colonel in Central City's military actually seemed to _need_ him. He was only seventeen, often still considered a child, _especially_ by the rest of the military, and this man in particular. But here he was, pulled into the arms of a man often considered so strong and steady, with such high command of himself, but now seemingly relying on a boy half his age. Even so, Ed couldn't help but notice how warm he was, even through his uniform, especially having his face pressed against the colonel's chest, which once he noticed it made him a little anxious for some reason. Still, what had he said "thank you" for? Ed didn't understand. His thoughts continued to churn frantically until he noticed the body he was braced against shudder slightly; it was barely noticeable, but Ed was sure he felt it. He'd known that the colonel was dealing with a great deal of stress over the memories of his best friend who had been taken from him so cruelly, but maybe it was affecting him more deeply than anyone knew. Slowly, hesitantly, before he really thought through what he was doing, Ed shifted in Roy's embrace, wrapping him arms around his torso. Even if it felt a little awkward, something about it felt appropriate, like he needed to do it.

Almost as soon as he had done so, Ed felt the arms holding him tighten. Roy pulled him even closer, somewhat shakily. It was then that Ed realized why he felt the older man shuddering: Roy Mustang was silently crying. Ed apprehensively bit his lower lip, somewhat uneasy with the display of emotion from someone he'd always seen as so confident, so proud, a man with an impenetrable wall of flames around him heart (though he would occasionally lower it a bit for the right woman). It bothered him to see Roy so vulnerable, so….human. He could feel the hot tears slowly dripping through his hair.


End file.
